A year ago, as we were on the cusp of the start of 2011, I choose to participate in something called One Word. The idea was to select a word that would be the focus of the coming year.
I chose the word “surrender” and I thought I knew what to expect. But now, looking back on 2011, I realize that I had no clue what I was in for.
The biggest thing I learned was that to surrender can be a good thing, or a bad thing.
Let me tell you a little about my year to help you know what I mean.
In April our cabin in Alabama was damaged during a tornado outbreak. This eventually led us to move to Auburn, AL. It was scary, uncertain and difficult, but in the end, it was clear that it was what God wanted for us. Surrendering to His will meant trusting Him with the outcome even though we could barely see the step in front of us. And from where we were to where we are, I can tell you, this was a very good move.
Since June, there were several changes to the ministry team on which I serve. As a person who feels connection to others very deeply, I walked through these transitions with a variety of emotions. I had to let go of the way things had been, surrendering to the changes God was bringing to the team. I had to choose to see Him as sovereign and good. And He has shown Himself to be faithful and trustworthy in this.
All year I tried to regain focus on becoming healthy. I lost much of the momentum I had last year, and while I had sporadic times of improvement in eating and exercise, I end the year having gained back almost all the weight I lost. Instead of surrendering this area of my life to God and letting Him have control, I surrendered to my own food addiction and lack of discipline. This is especially true of the last 3 months, when I essentially called it quits. And I’m angry and disgusted with myself. I surrendered to the wrong thing – ME.
So my big take-away? Surrendering to God’s way of doing things must be intentional and continuous. Otherwise it becomes far too easy to give up and give in to my own way, which never seems to end well.
I’m ready for a new start. I’m ready for a new word. And I’ll tell you about that tomorrow.